I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
