I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
