South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
