Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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