Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
