he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
