He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
