so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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