We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Couch. On fire.
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