so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
