I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
