Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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