And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
