i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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