i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
