You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
