im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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