Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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