At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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