I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
