Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
