The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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