Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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