i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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