Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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