So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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