Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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