worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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