I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
