I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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