What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
