and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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