do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
