I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize