Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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