I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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