Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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