I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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