i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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