If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
