he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
