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just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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