Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
