We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
