Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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