I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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