I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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