just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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