saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize