life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
