Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
