Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
