Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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