He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
