did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
