How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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