I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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