I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
