She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
