But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
