I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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