Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
