Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
