this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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