sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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