Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
