It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
