I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize