My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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