All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
