There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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