I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
