Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
