I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
