You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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