thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
