Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
