Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize