He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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