whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
