My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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