someone threw a dead crab at me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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