I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
